Every time i sit down to write a new post

i give a thought about it, but as soon as i begin writing it all vanishes, it makes me feel sick.

there have been too many why's in my posts, still i cant get enough of them.

why cant i write out my heart

write out everything that i have ever felt

every cry

every laugh

every drive on a lonely road

every feeling of being wanted

every wish that took my sleep

every person that i've ever met

every fondness that i've ever felt

every touch that gave me chills

every hour that took days to complete

every hand that i could not hold

every breath that wasn't complete

every time that i couldn't help

every person that made me cry

every person that didn't even try

wish i could do all of these

wish...

why???

why is it always so tough to tell what i feel

why can't i open up knowing that there is no one that can come and harm me

why can't i be demanding

why can't i shout aloud and ask for what i want

why can't i seclude my self when i want to

why can't i be resilient

why can't i understand

why can't i be rude

why can't i be selfish

why can't i say no

there is so much to ask, and so much to know

why don't people bother to know what is the reason

reason for being so sedate

reason for staying quiet

reason for not demanding needs

reason for being silent

there are many things i don't understand in life, and i don't take pride in this "not-knowing"

it makes me think, how people can behave in ways that they normally would never want to.

they don't bother thinking for a second, they don't bother caring.

i dont know if i am making sense.

i dont know if i can ever.